Week note 5
End of the month!
Wish I could say it was a good one, but between the insane pace of work, insomnia, the dog and her endless back problems and the Hokey Cokey cold I’ve had all month, the start of the year really could have been better.
But positive things - a long weekend away with Sharon in Paris; the garden is tidy and things are starting to show sigs of life; sleep is returning; and a perfect Friday yesterday with a day to myself and lunch with Jukesie putting the (digital) world to rights over the best tacos in existence.
Oh, we launched Cymru Ddigidol - a Slack community for anyone working in or interested in digital public service delivery in Wales. Come and join us! We're planning some on-line get togethers as well.
Work
The last week of January. Felt like it flew by, I’ve not known what day it was all month.
Busy like this isn’t good, it’s not sustainable. It’s a cycle of endless crisis.
It feels like we just live in permanent crisis mode these days. Individuals. Organisations, both public and private sector. Lurching from one thing to the next. No strategy, no figuring out how to get from the chaos of now to a point of no chaos. Something has to break this cycle or it will never end.
Some of this is funding cycles and the insanity they drive. Some of it is lack of leadership. The inability to prioritise and make hard decisions.
I’ve been trying to figure out how to make some of that happen in my world this week whilst also rapidly applying the brakes to my pace and diary.
This week has been emotionally hard, dealing with a lot of hard peopling issues on multiple projects. Making some progress, but issues remain.
Public Health Wales remains a wonderful, engaged, fun client. The team got started with research this week and have already uncovered some absolute GEMS to help inform what needs to come next and the urgency of it all.
We don’t always get to work on something that has the potential to be as impactful as this. We all feel incredibly honoured to be contributing on this.
Still struggling with the balance of delivery and bid work. But getting much more support in the bid space now which is a help.
I’ve had to take a tough decision to not travel next week and focus on the ludicrous to-do list instead. Disappointed, but I’d be in a far worse place all round if I lose 2 days of work time. Next time.
Next week
Do I have any idea what next week is going to hold? Nope. I’m going to give up trying at this point.
Outside of work, we have an appointment at Bristol Vet Specialists on Thursday morning with the neurologist for Dilys. All hinges on that appointment and what we find when get the MRI and results.
ADHD and waiting are not a good combination, so this week is going to be hard and I’m going to be distracted a lot of the time.
I need to start moving again, I’ve barely been outside for any walks or any exercise this month. It’s incredibly bad for my brain.
What I’m reading
I’ve just finished Alex Partridge’s Now It All Makes Sense - How An ADHD Diagnosis Changed My Life.
So much I can relate to, especially the struggle with addiction that often comes with ADHD. Self medicating those brain squirrels.
The one things still rattling round my brain is object permanence. We talk a lot about rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) being the hardest part of ADHD, but some times I think it’s actually object permanence, especially as that applies to people.
I now understand part of why I find keeping friendships so hard. It’s not because I’m a shit friend. It’s because I live in the moment and if a thing or a person isn’t in front of my face, I’m afraid I just forget. I don’t want to, but I do.
It’s an area I have a lot of regret about. I see my friends from high school who are still really close and I wish I had that. So many friendships and potential friendships gone by the wayside over the last 30/40 years.
With THINGS, I’m understanding better that if it’s not RIGHT THERE, I will forget. We spent last weekend clearing out the pantry and all the out of date stuff, the mess and rearranging things so that things we want to use are at eye level so it’s MUCH harder to forget about them. I’m going to bring this approach to the whole kitchen redesign if and when it happens.
I’m using post it notes on things as a reminder to do something. We’re using a mini whiteboard in the kitchen to help us remember meals plans for the week and when we are in/out/away etc. It’s taking all my restraint not to buy 100 whiteboards and pens and put them literally everywhere in the house.
Renovations
Glacial pace continues. We have electricity down there now, properly. And three quarters of a frame for stairs. SIGH.
Site visit next week and we need to dial up the pressure without upsetting anyone. Tricky.