Weeknote 11

Sitting down to write this note in my old office in the house. The one I occupied for most of my time at the Centre for Digital Public Services. It’s weird to be back in here.

And I noticed the date, it’s a year to the day since I left what was up to that point, my dream job. I’ll reflect more on this below.

What I’ve been doing



Eating the last tapas. Catching a flight home. Another night in another hotel.

Had a fantastic few days with my bestie in Malaga, eating all the tapas and dodging rain. I highly recommend some time in the hammam, so relaxing and so warming.


Back in the office in London as if no holiday was had. Was good to see faces in person.

A good gardening chat with Thomas. We have a gardening Slack channel at TPX and it's my favourite thing. My people!

Catching up with what I missed while I was off and figuring out where to jump back in. It’s hard having time away when you’re still early on in a new job.

Found myself back on the rollercoaster of what am I doing, am I adding value, have I made the right decisions.

Travelled home. Saw D for about an hour before it was time to go to bed.


Woke up to no D; he was off early to London.

And I was off to Cardiff for the day. I went to our hub office, which has STUNNING views. Sat on some workshop calls. Didn’t say much. Definitely feeling down in the dumps about things. [Hey Ann, did you remember to replace your HRT patch? No? What’s that you say about feeling emotional and all over the place?]

But the main point of the day was to visit one of our clients which meant seeing some friendly old faces in new contexts. We’re working to rebuild a relationship and the previous, personal relationship there is helping. Looking forward to this developing more.

Then back home and eventually saw D again about 10.30 and it was time for bed again.


Home! What is this witchcraft?! Back in my old office, even weirder.

Quiet morning; afternoon of overlapping meetings. Left me exhausted.

But I took time to talk to a few folk about how I’d been feeling since I came back and was honest about what I needed from them to make things a bit easier. And to just make sense of my head. Very appreciative of their time and headspace to do that. We’re getting there. I start to feel better.

Meetings are the business end of the job - contract management, Statement of Work planning, people planning. Then hopping back into roadmapping/planning work.


Time! To work on a slide deck for Monday to sell in our next Statement of Work. Couple of chats with folk about people planning.

Might have had a sneaky lunch break at the garden centre. Might have bought a tree: Betula utilis ‘Cinnamon’.

What I’ve been thinking about

How you get over leaving a job you loved because, rightly so, the direction of travel changed.

How you get over putting your heart and soul into something and it just...stops.

How you get over a thing that wasn’t just a job - you made it, shaped it and fed it’s formative stage.

Has it changed anything? Has the dial moved? I'm conflicted.

It all still hurts.

Yeah, I’m not over it yet. I’m not sure I ever will be.

There needs to be a support group for founders of government organisations to help each other work through this stuff and get over it.

What I’ve been reading

I finished Naomi Alderman’s The Future.

Struggled to get into it. Rushed the last third.

I didn’t care for it in the end. Disappointed as I loved The Power.

This felt like it was trying to be another Oryx and Crake but didn’t live up to that story. I couldn’t warm to the characters. I’m used to a lot of hard sci-fi and the science in this was a bit...hand wavy and magic.

What I’ve been watching

New series of Blown Away on Netflix. Glory holes.

The last of season 6 of Love is Blind. I think I’m done now, even if there is a seventh series.

What’s blooming

The ornamental flowering tree at the back of the house. I’m not sure if it’s a cherry or a plum. I’ve been assuming cherry...

Willow spiling update

Work has started and is moving at pace!