Weeknote 26

It’s been a week. Again. Can it just stop being a week at some point please?

Progress on the studio continues. It’s now 3/4 insulated - walls and floor done. And the floor is now down as well. Next up: the roof, both insulating and re-tying into the wall.

There’s not a lot of work this week, I mean I did a lot of work, but it’s really only been about THE APPOINTMENT this week.

This week

Covid all weekend, isolated on the other side of the house from my husband on our anniversary and the whole weekend.

Tested clear on Monday so I could go to London to spend with my other Senior Partner-Major Projecters in person. Themes of the week: travel chaos and heat.


The appointment

This week really was all about getting to Thursday afternoon and my final assessment for ADHD.

And I got the answer I was expecting, I need ‘have’ ADHD, both inattentive and hyperactive. It's also been suggested that I may want to explore dyspraxia as another possible thing.

[side bar: I hate the ‘have’ label, but “I am ADHD” sounds weird.]

It’s the ANSWER I’ve been searching for since I was a small child. It’s the answer to so very much pain, difficulty and heartache in my life. It’s why I still can’t quite reach my potential. It’s why I struggle with friendships and relationships. It’s why I have intense sensory issues. It’s why I can’t focus. It’s why my head is full of noise. It’s why I procrastinate so hard. It’s why I think you all hate me. It’s why I don’t update addresses when I move and then lose access to my ISA and have to go to through some arcane process to get my own money back (that’s today’s fun discovery). It’s why I don’t sleep well and why I’m so fucking tired all the time.

What am I feeling? Relief. Validation. Sadness. ANGER.

Next steps? Read through all the bumpf they’ve sent me about more appointments, possible medication, therapy, etc. Great chore for the ADHDer.

I’m of mixed minds on the medication front, because of my past history. Definitely want to explore the therapy route to try to address the feelings and the behaviours. There’s a lot to process and try to integrate into who I am so that I’m Ann again, whole.

[side note 2: if you feel you want to respond to me about this, please don’t do it with snark, it’s...not helpful. But I am happy to talk about it with folks who may be wondering if a diagnosis is something they want to do and what the whole experience has been like.]

Next week

A full week at home, back to the grindstone. I’ve got a good list of achievable things that will add value across the board. A few challenges to sort about my role and its position with the project.

Little matter of the election next week - excited to vote in person and to finally be able to add to the dogs at polling stations hashtag on Twitter. Glad not to be working on Friday :)

What I’ve been watching

Covid is good for one thing, cracking through TV.

This weekend/week:

  • finished up Doctor Who
  • both seasons of We are Lady Parts. This is such a good show, you must watch it if you haven’t.
  • Queenie
  • 2 more episodes of The Boys. Can they just get on with killing the fascists already?
  • Dead Boys Detective Agency - I veer between this is too tweeny and gosh this is good. I’ll watch a second series if it’s made.

Up next:

  • second series of Outer Range
  • The Bear
  • The Acolyte
  • second series of Loot

What’s blooming

My favourite clematis looks like it has really benefited from a whacking back in late winter. It’s about to explode in these deep purple, huge flowers.

And this rose, I can’t decide if I like it or not. It’s not pink, it’s not purple. It’s called Mocha and described as chocolate-honey coloured. It’s not my usual rose choice.